You’re not imagining it, your body can feel different when you are in your forties.
Cold Ballarat mornings, long hours at a desk, driving, gardening, lifting grandkids, busy weeks that don’t let up… it all tends to land in the same places: neck and shoulders, lower back, hips, jaw, and sleep.
So when you finally decide to book a massage, the choice can feel surprisingly stressful: remedial or relaxation? One sounds a bit clinical (and maybe painful). The other sounds lovely… but you might worry it won’t be “enough” if you’re sore.
Both can help. The right one depends on what your body is asking for right now.
The quick difference Remedial vs Relaxation Massage
Remedial massage is more targeted.
It focuses on specific problem areas, like a tight neck, headaches, hip pain, or that one stubborn spot in your back that keeps flaring up. It often includes a quick check-in or assessment of what’s going on, then treatment to help reduce muscle tension and improve movement.
Relaxation massage is more nervous-system focused.
It uses slower, flowing techniques to help you settle, breathe deeper, and switch off. It’s ideal when you feel overloaded, wired-tired, or like you haven’t properly exhaled in weeks.
Both can be firm or gentle. And neither should feel like a punishment.
What remedial massage is best for
Remedial is usually the better starting point when you have one or two clear problems that are affecting your day. Think:
- Neck pain that makes it hard to turn your head when driving
- Headaches linked to neck/shoulder tension
- Tight hips or glutes that feel “locked up” after sitting
- Ongoing lower back tightness
- Sciatica-type symptoms that may be coming from muscular tension
- A “stuck” shoulder (especially early frozen shoulder patterns)
- Postural pain from desk work
- A past injury that’s “better” but still tight and restricted
Remedial work often targets deeper layers of muscle and connective tissue. It can feel intense at times, but it should still feel safe, controlled, and within your comfort level.
If you ever feel like you have to brace, hold your breath, or endure it, the pressure is too much.
What relaxation massage is best for (and why it’s not “just a pamper”)
Relaxation massage is ideal when the main issue is stress load. Not “a bit busy”, but the kind of ongoing stress that shows up as:
- Tight shoulders and jaw clenching
- Shallow breathing or a tight chest
- Restless sleep or waking up tired
- Feeling emotionally flat or overstimulated
- That heavy, achy, “everything feels tense” feeling
A relaxation session can help your nervous system shift into a calmer state. Many women notice they sleep better, feel lighter, and stop holding their shoulders up around their ears.
If you’re in perimenopause and sleep has become unpredictable, relaxation work can be a really supportive place to start, especially if you feel like your whole system is on edge.
How each session usually feels: before, during, after
Remedial: what to expect
Before
You’ll usually have a quick chat about where you’re sore, what makes it worse, and what you want to be able to do more comfortably.
During
The therapist will focus on specific areas and may use firmer techniques, slower pressure, trigger point work, and targeted release. You’ll be asked for feedback so the pressure stays helpful.
After
Many women notice easier movement, less “pulling” or restriction, and a lighter feeling through the problem area. Some tenderness can happen, especially if the muscles were very guarded.
Relaxation: what to expect
Before
A simple check-in about how you’re feeling, any areas you’d like to avoid, and your pressure preference.
During
Longer, flowing strokes and steady rhythm. The goal is comfort, nervous system settling, and full-body ease.
After
A calmer mind, softer shoulders, slower breathing, and often better sleep that night.
Quick self-check: which one is right for you today?
Start with relaxation (or a gentle blend) if:
- you’re stressed, wired-tired, or not sleeping well
- your tension feels “all over” rather than in one spot
- you feel emotionally overloaded or easily overwhelmed
- you want a calm reset more than “fixing” one issue
Start with remedial if:
- you have a clear pain point (neck, back, hip, shoulder)
- your movement is limited or certain tasks hurt
- headaches are being driven by neck/shoulder tension
- you feel tight in specific muscles no matter how much you stretch
Consider a blended session if:
- you’re sore and stressed
- perimenopause is bringing aches, lighter sleep, and a busy nervous system
- you want focused work on one area, but you also need to switch off
A blend can look like: 20, 30 minutes targeted remedial work, then slower soothing relaxation work to finish.
Does remedial massage have to hurt to work?
No. Effective work is usually specific and steady, not brutal.
If pressure is too strong, your body tightens up to protect you, and that’s the opposite of what you want. The best results come from a level of pressure you can breathe through, with the muscles actually able to let go.
Can relaxation massage still help tight shoulders and stress headaches?
Often, yes, especially when the tension is driven by long days, mental load, jaw clenching, shallow breathing, or poor sleep.
If your shoulders feel like concrete and your brain won’t switch off, relaxation work can be the missing piece. Sometimes the body needs safety and calm first, before deeper remedial work feels tolerable.
Do you need a referral or private health to book remedial massage?
In most cases, you don’t need a referral to book.
If you’re hoping to claim through private health insurance, it depends on your fund and your cover. Some people book remedial specifically for rebates, others choose based on how they’re feeling and what they need most.
If rebates matter to you, it’s worth checking your extras cover (or asking your clinic what’s available).
When it’s worth checking in with your GP or allied health as well
Massage can be a great support for muscle tightness, stress tension, and movement discomfort.
If pain is severe, sudden, worsening, unexplained, or comes with symptoms that don’t make sense for you, it’s worth speaking with your GP. Massage can still be part of your care, but you deserve the right checks when something feels off.
If you’re still not sure what to book
You don’t have to pick perfectly.
If you tell your therapist what’s going on, “tight neck and headaches”, “hip and lower back stiffness”, “I’m exhausted and not sleeping”, the session can be tailored to suit you.
Some days you’ll need targeted work. Other days you’ll need your nervous system to settle. And plenty of women over 40 do best with a little of both.
If you’d like, send a message with your main symptoms (even in dot points) and I’ll suggest whether remedial, relaxation, or a blend makes the most sense for you right now.
